It’s been cloudy and rainy (and even cold!) in Miami for a few days now, which of course lends itself to introspective moments and contemplations about life and thoughts of “the bigger picture.”
I’ve become increasingly aware of the rapid pace at which things change in your mid-twenties and how, if you don’t dictate a path for yourself and get married to a positive state of mind, life will bog you down with monotony, snack chips and booze.
As much as I appreciate my friends and the value that they add to my life, I’ve become increasingly aware that they’re drifting further and further toward a life that is distinctly theirs. We’re quickly turning into adults and for someone like me, who derives so much self-worth from the strength of his closest friendships, it’s been kind of hard to accept.
I’ve realized it for a while now and as I look back on the past few months, I can see that I’ve been doing things to compensate for it – boxing, going to the gym, writing, thinking of ways to light my car on fire…stuff like that. And while those are all good things, I’m beginning to realize that those things are mostly a front for what I’m really missing right now.
I remember a time when I could call a laundry list of people at any time and just talk my ass off about whatever came to mind. Now that ‘laundry list’ is one, maybe two people deep.
I’m sure it’s hard for anyone to understand how a guy with a blog and a few thousand monthly readers needs more people to listen to him. But that’s how I feel at the moment. My day-to-day, closest circle of friends consists of a German financial machine on the fast-track to marriage, another who changes his mind about where he wants to live on a daily basis, and another who is usually in bed by 9 p.m. every night.
My point is this – I love my friends dearly, but they’re all doing their own thing now. My thing has always been about my life interactions and making an investment in the people around me, which always seemed like a pretty stable game plan. That’s not to say that I don’t have professional and personal ambitions of my own, but the thing that always drove me the most was being needed and relied upon by my friends.
I suppose that it’s just one other thing you can chalk up to the mantra of “well, that’s life.” But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.