I’m flattered. No really, I am. Ever since I started writing more frequently about dating and lending my advice/insight through this blog, I’ve had numerous people – men and women – come to me with their stories. Some looking for advice; some looking for someone to listen to them. For that, I’m grateful.
But somewhere along the line, I think I may have misled some of you.
I, my friends, am not an expert. I also don’t follow all of the advice I give. And if I’ve painted a picture of myself as a guy who knows all of the right things to do, that’s only partly true. Because the other thing that’s “partly true” is that I knowingly do it the wrong way sometimes.
And it feels good just to come clean about that.
For that matter, the same is probably true for you. You know in many circumstances what you should do, but you don’t. Your heart makes you do something else, instead.
I never ever thought I’d get hung up on an ex and chase her in an effort to get back together, but I have. More than once. I also know that I shouldn’t text girls after 10:00 p.m. just to “see what they’re up to,” but I have. I still do. I also know that I should pick up the phone instead of text when it comes to a girl I actually like. I know that I am easy to judge and that I should give people a chance to prove me wrong. Instead, I label them and discard them.
I tell myself that I don’t want to chase situations that are strictly physical. I tell myself that I won’t lead someone on. That I’ll be 100 percent honest all the time.
But I fail at it again and again.
It got me to thinking. Maybe the problem with us isn’t “modern dating circumstances” or anything external, but something internal. I’m speaking for myself here, but maybe I’m speaking for you, too: I’m afraid of being vulnerable. Of letting someone know, well, all of the things that I just told you.
For example, I’ve made the mistake of assuming that “putting myself out there” is equal to being vulnerable. I have no problem asking girls out and have no problem with dating. That part, I think I’m good at. But vulnerability? That’s personal. That’s different.
And it sucks, because you know going in that it’s probably not going to work out. That’s why your guard is up so damn high. If you date 100 people and believe in “finding the one,” then consciously or not, you know that 99 of them will fail.
Are we really prepared to be vulnerable knowing that we’re going to get kicked, beaten and bruised 99 times in the process?
Here’s another nugget of honesty: I don’t have an answer for that.
David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs – from books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between. He’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs. And he’s an aspiring dating writer.
Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.