That girl you’re really attracted to, the one whom you readily made yourself available to just for some access, whom you now have feelings for? Yeah, she put you in the friend zone. And that guy you never looked at ‘like that’ but are now seeing in a different light once he stopped paying attention to you? Yeah, he put you in the friend zone, too.
Happens all the time. But guess what? It’s not the death blow that you think it is. The question, though, is how do you get out of it?
David Wygant addresses this issue quite boldly in his blog by encouraging folks to be direct, a concept that seems more and more foreign in our ‘let me text him/her once every 3.5 days to just feel it out’ day in age. You want to ask for clarity? “Just fucking do it, man,” says Wygnant.
For others, though, it’s not quite that simple. Naturally, if you made someone a ‘friend’ first, you’ve got to be wondering – didn’t I have a good reason for that? And is my reason for pulling them out as good as I think it is?
Maybe. Maybe not. But guess what? You’re in a ‘what-if’ state of mind if you’re battling those questions. And the only way you’ll get a satisfying, definitive answer is if you take the chance to find out. If the answer to ‘would you like to go out for real sometime?’ is no, then guess what? You’re still friends. Either that, or hearing a crystal-clear ‘no’ might make you realize that you were never going to be satisfied with ‘just a friendship’ anyway.
But you also have to stop being ‘just a friend’ if you don’t want to be treated as one. If you’re the one who feels like they’re the friend, then guess what? You’re probably being more accommodating to their feelings and schedule than vice versa. The only way to earn the potential-mate respect of someone else is to level the playing field. Don’t drop everything just to take their call. Don’t adjust plans for them when they pop up at the last minute.
In order to gain respect – and some semblance of attraction – you need to first respect yourself. Girls, your feelings aren’t less valuable than his, and guys, you have just as much to offer as she does. They have the same number of hours in a day as you do, and if you can make the time, then so can they.
And if they don’t make the adjustments to respect you the same way? Forget a relationship – why would you want a friend like that?
David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs. From books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between, he’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs.
Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.