After each new year, February 14 is the first holiday to be celebrated by the masses. And screw Inauguration Day, because let’s face it – no one is buying up flowers and chocolates in Barack Obama’s honor. It’s not a real holiday in America unless we’re lighting up credit card scanners in the packed lines of our favorite retail chains.
And what a great day it is; a monument of rose petals and empty calories erected in honor of each man or woman fortunate enough to share love with another – or an extremely public, 24-hour insult-athon to those who categorically locked themselves into someone’s friend zone. You know, ‘the rest of us.’
And if you’re one of them, washing away your sorrows with a bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita mix and watching Lifetime movies, this post is for you. Because guess what? Valentine’s Day is gonna be okay. Correction; it’s gonna be great. And here’s how you’re going to make that happen.
Publicly Mock People Who are Celebrating on Social Media. “OMG, I love my babe! He got my the prettiest flowers and he’s taking me to PF Changs!” You’ll see it. You probably already did. And when you do, I encourage you to mock those people. Insult them. And use cold, hard data. “I see that you mentioned your boyfriend getting you the prettiest flowers. Not likely. An estimated 52 million bouquets of flowers are given out on Valentine’s Day. One in a million? More like one in 52 million.” And if you don’t feel like using statistics, just be mean-spirited and cold-hearted. “Wow! Seriously? PF Changs? Is there an after party at Coldstone?”
Drink or Eat in Excess. Because the folks in a relationship are too immersed in store-bought love to notice, and the rest of the single folks understand. Today, you get a free pass.
So take heart, single folks. Love is indeed in the air. And if you can’t smell it, just make fun of someone who can. Besides – chocolate in heart-shaped boxes will be 50% off tomorrow.
David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs. From books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between, he’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs.
Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.