Don’t date a girl who cheated on a guy to be with you. If he doesn’t hold the door for you, give him the boot. Don’t date a guy who has a history of sleeping around. If he doesn’t honor the ‘two day rule,’ he’s too eager. Don’t hangout two days in a row within the first few weeks of dating and don’t do it at his apartment and don’t have sex and…
I’ve probably abided by every single one of these rules at one point or another. Oh, and violated them, too. But in the moments that I did it ‘right’ and in the moments I did it ‘wrong,’ guess where I ended up? Right here. Single.
Just the other day, one of my best friends in the whole wide world got engaged to a freaking amazing girl. And if it were up to me, it wouldn’t have happened. Why? Because I told him to follow the rules and not pursue her back when she was first an option.
Before they started dating, she’d gotten wishy-washy on him because of an ex-boyfriend who was still in the picture. An opportunity arose to hang out with her. I told him it was a bad idea and he went with his heart.
And guess what? He was right. They’re amazing together, and I watch gangster documentaries on the BIO channel, alone on my couch with my baby blanket.
Similarly, I have friends who’ve had sex ‘too soon’ and it turned out just fine for them. Having sex too soon, despite your own views of morality, is a subjective decision. Some people can handle getting sexually involved early on. Others can’t.
The fact of the matter is that the rules don’t make sense – unless they do. As much as we’d like to blanket everyone with the same dating guidelines, we can’t expect that we’ll all get the same outcomes if we abide by them.
Love is a story that gets rewritten every day when two people link up and try to define it together. Their rules will be written by them, and they’ll fail or succeed because of them.
But one size fits all? Nope. It doesn’t fit.