It was a passionate night between the Colombian brunette goddess and me – Robin Thicke playing in the background, and some Erykah Badu, too – that kind of night. The lady in question was one whom I’d been seeing for a while. Not quite official, but close enough. And she was gorgeous – nearly my height, and slender but womanly at every curve and crevice. You know the type – completely out of my league.
Soft kisses led to deeper ones and then some. Our fingertips virtually melted into each other’s skin. We had opened the door to the type of physical exchanges where you can argue with conviction that you actually got lost in one another. And then you tell that to your guy friends and they mock you mercilessly and tell you to stop watching romcoms. But I digress.
Then, out of the blue, she asked me to choke her. “You want me to…choke you?” I asked her, not sure if I’d misheard her. “Yes,” she said, clear as day.
Call me old-fashioned, but my natural inclination amidst the throes of passion has never been to aim for the girl’s neck and put her in the Cobra Clutch. But that’s me. Then again, I wasn’t about to break our sexual momentum just because I was too soft to handle the more “adult” bedroom antics of the heavenly demigod in my arms.
But seriously, choke you?
Kneeling face to face on my bed, her stupid, ridiculous, there’s no way this is all real beautiful body pressed against mine, I moved my hands and arms to the small of her back to pull her even closer, feeling the warmth of her skin on mine. Was that an adequate physical response to a request for choking? I hoped so.
She swept back her lustrous black hair to give me full access to her neck, exposing her glistening, caramel colored skin in the process.
I wanted to seem confident, but I wasn’t about to become a second degree murder suspect, either. For safety’s sake, I cupped the base of her jaw, underneath her chin – not quite her neck – and pressed the tips of my fingers against the side of her neck.
“Am I doing this right?” I wondered, while thinking “God, this is terrifying.” My heart felt like it would tear through my rib cage, but I kept my composure.
Judging by her reaction to the move – she arched her back toward me and let out a low, satisfying moan – I felt like I had done an adequate job of meeting her request. We moved on after that, on less XXX-rated terms, and capped a deeply satisfying evening without any more voluntary requests for boundary-pushing sexual antics.
But I left the next morning feeling like we had become less romance novel, more “Alien vs. Predator.” And it didn’t sit well with me.
The next day, my good friend, Tommy, and I met for breakfast. Tommy is someone you’d politely call an “experienced” guy when it comes to sexual escapades, and I had to know if my experience had been an isolated incident, or something that I had somehow missed altogether.
“That same thing has happened to me like three times in the past month!” he said with a dose of exasperation. I was surprised by his reaction.
I mean, Tommy did everything – with lots of women. And even he was new to the whole choking thing. Turns out – through a highly arbitrary, unscientific study of our guy friends and girlfriends – that many women are not only okay with choking, but are practically demanding it. And hey, there’s some science that supports it.
Erotic asphyxiation, as it’s called, is really a “thing,” to the point that a not-so-marginal undercurrent of folks are doing it regularly – and no, not just the S&M types. Studies – both our arbitrary one and real ones, too – say that erotic asphyxiation heightens the experience of orgasm; like getting off in the midst of a light-headed, drug-induced adrenaline rush. And some people are doing it to themselves; that’s identified as autoerotic asphyxiation, or as I like to call it, a “party for one.”
I asked my friend Cristy for her take and she hardly skipped a beat when I mentioned it. No surprise there, as Cristy is a friend of mine who has no shame in acknowledging her penchant for sexual adventures. “I like to be choked,” she said. “But it has to be the right amount of force. Oh, and usually up against a wall is the best.”
I asked why. “Nothing like having a guy push you up against the wall with one arm up and choke you with the other,” she replied. She explained that the pleasure isn’t so much from the asphyxiation itself, but from a man’s assertion of dominance over her. And she has no bones about asking for it – from any guy she becomes sexually involved with.
The words “nothing like” rang out in my head. In my own experience, doggie style had been considered an adventure. I’m no prude, but what happened to good old-fashioned sexual encounters? I always felt there was no substitute for passion and physical chemistry. Apparently, those experiences got choked out.
So, I’ve got to ask. Have you ever requested to be choked – or done the choking –during a sexual experience? Or has anyone ever asked it of you? Ever wanted to? And if you’ve done it, do you love it? Leave your comments below!