A Middle Finger to Simon Sinek & Millennial-Bashers


By David Berry: This is Simon Sinek. Simon used to work at ad agencies. He’s British. He wrote three books. Now he’s a corporate motivational speaker and consultant. In addition, Simon says (hehe) that Millennials “got into honors classes and got A’s just because parents complained” and “got participation medals — a reward for coming in last.” In fact, he said that and a lot more about Millennials in this video about six months ago.

Simon is also a smug, self-important twat who masturbates in front of his bathroom mirror with self-affirmations like “you’re smart” and “you’re really good in bed, Simon, no seriously.”

I know this to be true because Simon’s half-assed assessments of Millennials are as researched as my assertions that he jerks off in his bathroom while speaking self-affirmations. That is, to say, not researched at all.

Hi, I’m Simon. You don’t even need to hear anything I’ve said to know that I wear these glasses to compensate for my lack of originality, and the fact that I cry into my Honeynut Cheerios.

Look, it’s been a while since I’ve gone on a rant just for the sake of getting out some frustration, but if you’ve wished upon a star that I’d do it again, it’s your lucky day.

Simon Sinek, like many others, continues to repeat his tired jabs about Millennials because, I don’t know, using Viagra hurts his ego.

Millennials are entitled. They’re lazy. They have empty relationships. They lack social skills because they rely on social media. They all got trophies or participation medals. They’re narcissistic, tough to manage, etc.

I mean, black people are criminals and Asians can’t drive, so Millennials are entitled softies with no work ethic, amiright?!

I get it. It’s every generation’s rite of passage to talk shit about the younger generation, and it helps soothe the pain of knowing that the 29-year-old you talk shit about in your office is more educated and more productive than you.

But here’s the truth.

You call us lazy, but bitch about us always being on our smart phones when we’re responding to work emails at 9:00 p.m. because our work days don’t end at 5:00 p.m. How about you?

You say we have empty relationships and are the product of failed parenting skills, but you divorced our moms and dads at a rate of 50 percent and raised us in fractured homes. We’re waiting to get married, and we’re not going to fuck it up at the same rate that you did.

You say we lack social skills because we rely on social media, but we’re the ones who created the same tools you use to complain about us, while one of your own just became Secretary of Education and can’t spell.

You say we all got participation medals, but, ya know – you’re the ones who gave them to us, told us we were special, then turned to the social media tools that we created in order to complain about it. Last I checked, there were no unions of 6-year-olds in the 90s rising up and demanding better rec league soccer conditions and ice cream parties after we got our trophies.

You say that we’re entitled because of all of the gold stars and participation awards that you gave us. Huh? I mean, you grew up with Monopoly. Did you snatch an orange $500 from Community Chest and head to Toys-R-Us to buy a Radio Flyer? Oh weird, you were smart enough to know you had to work for real things, you microphallus.

And finally, you say we’re narcissistic and tough to manage. Look, if that upsets you, then you should’ve never told us we were special. You should’ve never told us to go to college. You should’ve never told us we could be what we wanted to be, or that we could change the world.

If our egos seem a little unchecked, there are two clear reasons for it. One. You gave us permission to be that way. And Two. We’re out creating a future for ourselves – we’re not waiting for it to be given to us. So that little bit of narcissism you complain about? Well, it seems like you might be “entitled” to that.

Simon Sinek. Stick to corporate consulting, where you can preach into your aging choir of “yes” men. We’ll be out building the future while you complain and window-shop new pairs of plastic-rimmed hipster glasses.

 

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