I Translated “N***s in Paris” by Kanye West & Jay-Z into Slang-Free Prose


By David Berry: Translating rap songs is going to be my side creative outlet while I work on my second book, which is in need of a new name. Until then, and to celebrate Kanye’s 40th birthday…enjoy.

Ball so hard muh’fuckas wanna fine me (I flaunt my wealth so aggressively that those whom it displeases desire to garnish my wages)

But first niggas gotta find me (However, in order to do so, they must locate me)
What’s fifty grand to a muh’fucka like me (Even if these individuals were to seek of $50,000 my income, it’s an amount of money that I would consider insignificant)
Can you please remind me? (For emphasis, I’d like someone to speak back to me the words which I’ve just spoken)
Ball so hard, this shit crazy (Indeed, the vicious intent with which I flaunt my wealth is difficult to conceive)
Y’all don’t know that don’t shit phase me (It’s a behavior that I wouldn’t think twice about)
The Nets could go 0-82 and I look at you like this shit gravy (I’ll give you an example of my wealth; the Nets, of which I am a part owner, could procure an unprecedented winless season and I would look at you in the same cocksure manner at which I am looking at you now)
Ball so hard, this shit weird (This cavalier attitude might be considered bizarre)
We ain’t even ‘pose to be here (In fact, it could be considered miraculous that we’re even in a position to behave this way in the first place)
Ball so hard, since we here (Nevertheless, since we are in fact in this situation)
It’s only right that we be fair (It would only be appropriate)
Psycho, I’m liable to be go Michael (That I would act with complete lunacy)
Take your pick, Jackson, Tyson, Jordan, Game 6 (In the same manner that you may have seen Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, or Michael Jordan, specifically in game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals against the Utah Jazz)
Ball so hard, got a broke clock, Rolleys that don’t tick tok (My wealth is so substantial that my wall clock doesn’t even function, nor do my Rolex timepieces)
Audemars that’s losing time, hidden behind all these big rocks (Other watches I own, Audemars Piguet, are also suffering the same fate, though these particular timepieces are encrusted in diamonds)
Ball so hard, I’m shocked too, I’m supposed to be locked up too (If you find this lifestyle flabbergasting, I in fact join you in that sentiment; it was more likely that I’d be incarcerated than enjoying such a glamours lifestyle)
You escaped what I’ve escaped (If you had overcome the same obstacles which I had)
You’d be in Paris getting fucked up too (It’s likely you’d be in Paris, France getting intoxicated, as well)
Ball so hard, let’s get faded, Le Meurice for like six days (We could stay at the luxurious 5-star Le Meurice Hotel for close to a full week)
Gold bottles, scold models, spillin’ eights on my sick J’s (While there, we could imbibe off of expensive champagne while disrespecting beautiful women, even spilling some of the champagne on my impressive Air Jordan sneakers)
(Ball so hard) Bitch behave, just might let you meet Ye (If a woman in my company acts in a manner that pleases me, I may find it within my graces to introduce her to producer, artist and fashion designer, Kanye West)
Chi towns D. Rose, I’m movin’ the Nets to BK (I’m comparable in nature within my hometown as Derrick Rose is to Chicago. Also, I am relocating the aforementioned Nets to Brooklyn)

She said Ye can we get married at the mall? (She asked me if the ceremonial exchanging of our vows in holy matrimony might take place at a shopping mall)
I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball (I encouraged her to consider a less aggressive tack as our courtship progresses)
Come and meet me in the bathroom stall (Instead, let’s reconvene in a public restroom)
And show me why you deserve to have it all (Here, I’ll show you why one day you’ll receive all that you desire, though please note, I am at the moment referring to my desires for a public display of sexual intercourse)
(Ball so hard) That shit cray, (That shit cray) ain’t it Jay? (Jay-Z, do you find this lifestyle to be as incredulous as I do?)
(Ball so hard) What she order (What she order) fish fillet (While at the restaurant, what was her desired cuisine? Was it a fish fillet?)
(Ball so hard) Your whip so cold (whip so cold) this old thing (Wow, your vehicle is impressive! But I see that you’re downplaying the significance of such ownership)
(Ball so hard) Act like you’ll ever be around motherfuckas like this again (I recommend behaving in a manner that would imply confidence in our enjoying a similar reunion in the near future)
Bougie girl, grab her hand (That woman who aspires for upward social mobility? Take her by the hand)
Fuck that bitch she don’t wanna dance (But disregard her if she expresses a lack of interest in dancing)
Excuse my French but I’m in France (I’m just sayin’) (Forgive the language with which I’ve expressed this, but I am on vacation)
Prince William’s ain’t do it right if you ask me (Even Prince William leaves much to be desired in his methods of celebration when contrasted with our own)
‘Cause if I was him I would have Mary Kate and Ashley (For example, if I were in his position, I would have pursued a marital contract with Mary Kate and Ashley Olson)
What’s Gucci my nigga? (At our level of success, don’t you marvel at how insignificant the Gucci brand is to us?)
What’s Louie my killa? (The same might be said for Louis the XIII cognac)
What’s drugs my deala? (And likewise, narcotics)
What’s that jacket, Margiela? (Is the jacket that you’re wearing from the Belgian fashion designer, Margiela?)
Doctors say I’m the illest (Doctors ironically say that I am ill, though I am in perfectly good health. Rather, it is a reference to my impeccable style and fashion sense)
‘Cause I’m suffering from realness (I am afflicted with the difficulties that come with my authenticity)
Got my niggas in Paris (My friends are in Paris, France)
And they going gorillas, huh!? (And they are acting reckless; isn’t that surprising?)

 

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