Why Men Should Stop Overthinking Their Opening LineAuthor: davidberry | Filed under: 10 Phases of Dating, Columns
Hey guys – if you’re intrigued by the idea of a smart, sexy girl who has a better sense of sarcasm than you do and has her act together, I’ve got something for you. And girls – if you’re intrigued by a woman with a quiver full of truth arrows and the accuracy of a trained assassin, I’ve got something for you, too. For the first time in a long time, this illustrious – err, self-proclaimed ‘illustrious’ blog welcomes a femme fatale to the forefront. Boys and girls, meet Julia Ford-Carther, aka, The Thinking Man’s Pin-Up. And did I mention she and I will be panelists at Social Media Week Miami on Monday, February 18 at 10:30 a.m. at the Mondrian Hotel on South Beach to talk about modern dating and social media, and the – okay, I’m running out of breath – issues that they present to grown folk like us? If not, I did now. And since it’s President’s Day, you should come check us out. Hell, it’s FREE.
But I digress. A couple of weeks ago, Julia and I met and agreed to, among other things, tackle an important dating issue on each other’s blog. Part one of that two part agreement appeared on her website here. The subject was based on some feedback she’d been getting from her readers – the ladies. They said they knew a ton of gun-shy guys and couldn’t understand why it was so damn hard for a dude to just sack up and have a conversation. Naturally, it’s not that easy, but we can’t just say ‘wahh, it’s too hard’ and call it a day. So I dropped some knowledge. Now, she’s returning the favor. Ready? Good. You’ll love her. And yeah, she’s single.
By Julia Ford-Carther – Meeting people is hard. Meeting a person to whom you’re attracted and interested in? Even harder. Meeting someone to whom you’re attracted and interested in if you don’t approach them and introduce yourself? Damn near impossible.
Guys, approaching a woman is not that serious. Promise. We’re not that scary.
Here’s how it usually plays out:
We (women) give you (dudes) the green light of extended eye contact. And… wait for it… there it is! A smile. Boom. You. Are. IN.
And yet, you sit on your bar stool and do nothing. Say nothing. Approach nothing. What’s up with that?
I get it, you really have to put yourselves out there. Maybe she’s stunning and you can’t imagine what you could possibly have to say to her. She could be surrounded by her gaggle of gals, which may feel like facing the Viet Cong. Or, heaven forbid, she’s with a dude (trust me, he’s just a friend).
Forget all that. Because, sir, she gave you the signal. That come-hither look that means, well, come hither, or “I’m totally cool with you coming to talk to me. In fact, I’d be really into that because I think you’re cute.” It won’t even matter what you open with, because she will be thrilled you’ve displayed a mutual interest.
You don’t have to come up with an award-winning script, just come tell us your name and offer to buy us a drink. It’s that simple.
I’ve been told by nice guys that they assume we women have been getting hit on all night by jerks and they don’t want to add themselves into that mix and risk getting rejected. Instead, they suggested that we approach them.
Let me tell you why THAT’S not happening. Ignoring the fact that men are hardwired to want to pursue, what it comes down to is, why, after I’ve been hit on by douchebags all night, would I actually seek out more potential douchebag behavior?
See, I can’t scan a room and tell just by looking at them which men aren’t worth my time (you know, judging books by covers and what not). However, I can figure out a fella after talking to him for a few minutes.
So, if you come talk to me and you’re a nice guy, I’ll be able to tell that you’re different from the DBs (EDITOR’S NOTE: Not ‘David Berrys’) in a hot second. And I’m not going to turn you away for not being an ass. (If a woman DOES do this, she’s still in her “bad boy” phase that immature, self-sabotaging girls get into. Be thankful for the rude rejection.)
This mindset still applies even if she hasn’t given you that opening sexy stare. If you guys start vibe-ing, she’ll be pleasantly surprised that you managed to make it over to her.
“Bro, don’t you just hate hitting it off with a hot chick?” – said no man ever. Now get up and go say hello to her.