12 Dec 2013

Myth Busters: The Hookup Culture

Author: davidberry | Filed under: 10 Phases of Dating, Columns

As the first page of my blog would indicate, I’ve struggled mightily to produce a steady stream of content in the second half of 2013. But, as a quick look outside my window would indicate, people are doing just fine without me or my blog. So what did I do in the midst of my slump to break through? To create today’s blog?

I relied on the illustrious blogger’s guide, StartBloggingOnline.com, and came across a list of 101 blog post ideas that will make my blog ‘hot.’ And I’m reading that thinking “hell yeah, let’s burn this thing up!”

Well, as I dove through the list of ideas, I settled on #30, which is to “Bust a Myth.” And that’s exactly what I intend to do!

You see, about a week ago, I got into a heated debate with a woman about the “hookup culture;” this whole “no one’s dating anyone, they’re just boning each other and fleeing commitment until their mid-30s” thing. Why is it happening? Well, we disagreed.

She took the tried and true stance that the hookup culture has been perpetuated by men. She also said that it’s gained more traction in recent years because women have relinquished their control over the sexual, social contract – which is the “I have the vagina, I make the rules” contract. Instead, she said, women are giving up on dating and giving in to the sexual desires of a generation of men who won’t commit, thus getting “trapped” in a hookup culture as a result.

Well, I wholeheartedly disagreed – and thus, my attempt to “Bust a Myth!”

For starters, I disputed the notion that the hookup culture is being perpetuated by men. It’s not. Historically, hookups have been male-driven, but the reason it’s taken a cultural shift to the point where almost everyone goes through a hookup phase is because women started saying “yeah, we’re cool with this.”

No, there was not some seismic, unspoken shift of women who one day said “you know what? We give up on romance – these guys just want sex without love and, feminism be damned, we’re just not gonna fight it anymore.” That did not happen.

What did happen was a recession and a slowing of the progression into adulthood. All of these Gen-Y folks (me included) got bachelor’s degrees, lost their jobs at the height of the recession, then went back to school for a post-graduate degree or, in some cases, started a second career. So what happened? The normal “life” events of our mid-to-late 20s – marriage, home buying, career path development -¬†got pushed back about five years.

And it left a gap.

That gap, of course, is the transitionary life phase that is rife with people who are old enough to get serious, but not settled or stable enough to actually do it. And that’s where the hookup culture comes in.

Can women still play the “I have the vagina, I have the power” card? Of course they can; and that’s exactly why the hookup culture is happening – because they’re allowing it to.

 

One Response to “Myth Busters: The Hookup Culture”

  1. So I’m not a big blog reader but I read some of your stuff a few years back and it was pretty good. As I was surfing the internet this morning to find out what people have been talking about, current events aside…I decided to check out your blog. Topics like this always catch my attention as my ongoing battle to disseminate the male and female psyche is never ending. That being said I have sacrificed the whole “white picket fence” life to try and find myself and my career. If I go through a series of hook ups it’s because that’s the way it’s worked out and not because I’ve given up on romance and thrown in the towel. I don’t play the I have the vagina so I have the power card because that’s not how I like to operate. If you’re not ready to commit you’re not ready. I actually wasn’t aware it was a culture I figured some people just really like having a lot of sex without the commitment.

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