Which credit card says “it’s everywhere you want to be?” I think it was Visa, but who cares.  Regardless, I can assure you that in Miami, Visa isn’t everywhere you want to be - but vagina is.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a great looking guy with tons of money waiting at the door of a trendy club with average looking girls - her vagina is getting in that door before you and your credit card do.

And you know what? That ain’t right!  I watched in awe this past Saturday at the door of a club as NFL linebackers disguised as women toted their fugly friends inside while I sat and patiently waited my turn.  All so that I’d have the privilege of paying a $15 cover charge to walk through the door.

If anything, the club should charge the girls a cover charge and cut the guys some slack - because it’s the guys who will be in there buying all the drinks.  It’s not because the girls don’t want to, of course - they just can’t afford to.

After all, somebody has to help pay for her breast implants.  And if she’s buying drinks, then she can’t afford her tit payments.  (Which got me to thinking - if you default on a car loan or a mortgage loan, they take it away from you.  What happens if you default on your breast implant payments? Anybody?)

This is why I try to avoid clubs at all costs.  Girls have this figured out.  They know that when they plan a night to go to the club with their girlfriends, they will return home as drunk as they want to be without a dime missing from their purse.

If a guy goes to a club, he’ll be forced to skip his car payment and pray to God that the limit on his credit card is high enough to buy cocktails $20 at a time.  And there is a great possibility that he still returns home without a female to show for it and ends up jerking off anyway.  You think the stock market is hurting your bottom line?  Think about the number of investments that guys are making into the women they meet at clubs and not seeing a dime in return for. 

So I’m proposing that people everywhere (men AND women) unite and start the Campaign for Cock.  That’s right, ladies - equality is absolute; even when the imbalance is in your favor.  It’s time to jump start the economy and do what’s right. 

But don’t do it for me. Do it for justice.