Not until the overblown breast cancer movement did I believe that anyone loved tits as much as men do.  But lo and behold, it appears that women are even more obsessed with their own breasts than we are.  And before you get to bitching, let me explain myself.  On its face, there’s nothing wrong with the breast cancer movement.  It’s a good thing to see people mobilized in an effort to fight a devastating disease.  But the breast cancer clan, in general, takes itself way too seriously in shoving 5K races and pink colored products down our throats. 

What about the colorectal cancer sufferers?  You know, the people who make up the #1 group of cancer patients in the United States. Have you seen any “Save My Asshole” bumper stickers lately? That’s a rhetorical question.

Let’s move on to the top causes of death for women in the United States. 1. Heart disease, 2. Cerebrovascular disease, 3. Lung cancer, 4. Chronic lower respiratory disease, 5. Alzheimers disease, 6. ACCIDENTS, and finally, at number 7, Breast cancer.

And forget all of the diseases ranked higher than breast cancer for a second.  What I want to point out is the #6 cause of death in the U.S. is ACCIDENTS.  Which means that more women are getting mowed down by lawn tractors, eaten by wild animals or lit on fire than are dying from breast cancer. Nevermind the ones with heart disease and lung cancer.

What’s worse is that so many of the efforts to raise breast cancer awareness are  now more focused on driving profits for corporations and making cutesy t-shirts than anything else.  There is no one in this world who needs a pink frying pan, a pink garden rake or a “Save the Ta-Ta’s” t-shirt, for that matter, under the guise that a woman’s life is being saved because of it.  How many people actually read the fine print on these things? I’m sure you’d love to know where the money actually ends up.

As a side note, what are “Ta-Ta’s”? Let’s stop being cute about breast cancer.  Breast cancer is not cute.  Breast cancer is real.  So how about a t-shirt that says “Save My Tits.” Now THAT’S real.

Breast cancer awareness, sadly, is driven by vanity and pink t-shirts, far more than it’s driven by a genuine concern for preventing a serious disease.  If anal sex becomes chic sometime soon, then maybe we’ll start to see some of those “Save My Asshole” t-shirts. 

And what about the cancer that is most ‘real’ to a man’s parts?  Why don’t you hear about any prostate cancer 5K’s?  I’ll make the t-shirt for that one.

It’ll say “Save my Prostate - Suck My Dick!”