When I look through job postings, it’s always about “10+ years experience in integrated management, business, finance, corporation, blow me, etc.”  I wish the stuff that I’m good at was just as lucrative.  But I’ve been hard pressed to locate a job posting that said “$150K salary for frequent masturbator capable of texting while driving at high speeds and reciting rap lyrics.”

I know we’re in a recession and all, but can’t I get a break for being marginally exceptional?  Another job posting I haven’t seen yet - “In search of above average, but not exceptional former MBA student, who is willing to work for about 5 of the required 8 hours per day.  Allowed to do a half-ass job, so long as his wit and charm enhance the overall social quality of our otherwise boring office.  Starting at $115K.”

On second thought, I think that’s a GREAT idea for a job.  Someone who is hired specifically for the purpose of enhancing the morale of his fellow co-workers.  Because let’s be honest - offices are as exciting the paint on the walls that they’re encased by.  And without a doubt, an office’s overall productivity drops every so often because it just flat-out sucks to be there.  But lo and behold, I’d come in one day with a few quick-witted jokes and a cheery disposition, and boom - the production level would spike, people would happily do their jobs, they’d call in sick less often, and everyone would be a winner.

Most importantly, I’d be getting paid to do exactly what I always do anyway - just enough to get by.  But I’d be damn entertaining along the way.