That’s right - I’m wrapping this thing up and sailing off into the sunset.  I’ve been doing it for one very successful year, in which I pulled down about $100 in appearance fees and spent about $300 on gas.  If that doesn’t spell retirement, then your mother’s a whore.

I could’ve stopped performing without a word and no one would’ve given (or taken) a shit.  But since I have a flair for the dramatic and I’m an attention whore, I had to make a big deal out it.  And since I made it seem so drastic, everyone else thinks it’s drastic.  Voila!

It’s all about how you package it, people.  If I decided today that I would never EVER eat a banana after Thursday, it wouldn’t be a big deal.  But if I told people about it and made a Facebook event for it, I bet you I could get a crowd of people to come watch me eat that effing banana.  And other people would talk about it to.

“Hey, did you hear Robby lost an arm?”

“Yo, eff Robby! Did you hear Dave Berry’s not eating bananas ever again?”

“No way! No more bananas? Ever? Say it ain’t so!?”

On some real talk, though, I really am done.  Even when I started, the goal was to try it out just to say that I did it.  My ambition was never to ‘make it’ in stand-up comedy - it was to have fun.  And for a while, I did.  It was a rush going up on stage and knowing that for a minimum of 5 minutes, I had everyone’s attention with an opportunity to make them laugh.

Despite my efforts, I realize that my talents are better suited for written humor and satire - like here on http://www.iamdavidberry.com - than on a stage.  I feel more comfortable and flexible in this realm and I can do it on my own terms without having to drive across town and wait an hour for my name to be called before I deliver it.

Okay peace!