I’m notorious for making things way harder than they have to be.  For example, when someone asks me what I want to eat, I don’t tell them what I want to eat.  I present them with a number of types of foods I wouldn’t mind eating, then proceed to tell them that ultimately, I’d be happy with whatever they were happy eating, when ultimately it was a simple question that demanded a simple answer.

My problem? I use my heart 100% of the time and I use my head 100% of the time.  Rarely does one give way to the majesty and simplicity of the other.  Instead, I’m a mindfuck 100% of the time, because my heart and my head don’t agree as often as they should. 

Part of me believes that if something feels right, then it probably is right.  Live for today.  Take chances. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Things like that.

The other part of me, unfortunately, is far too calculated to let my heart rule all of the time.  Live for today?  Sure, but what about tomorrow?  Take chances?  Only if the risk is low.  Love like there’s no tomorrow?  Unfortunately, I know that what comes tomorrow may call into question the way I can love today. 

This whole New York thing is really screwing with me.  A place I’ve never lived in (the city, at least) is making all of my decisions extremely difficult to navigate.  New York City has never been my dream.  It just happens to have most of my closest friends in it, and it’s a relatively short drive back home to my family.  It makes sense.  It’s logical.  And the logical part of me is telling my heart that the two of them can finally get along great!  You’ll have family and friends all within striking distance again! 

So does my heart agree?  Of course not.  My heart says “look at everything you’ve done in Miami and look at the people here who love you.  Plus, you loveee Latin girls. And what about Chicago?  You love Chicago.  You don’t love New York.”

That’s the problem.  I don’t love New York.  I love the people there.  I love Chicago, but don’t know anyone there.  I don’t really like Miami, but I love my lifestyle and a few select people.

What do I love that makes sense too?  At this point, I don’t have the answer.