After another outburst this weekend, it reminded me that I’ve deprived my readers of another one of my hate-filled tirades.  But that’s not all.  By not writing about this sooner, I may have subjected you to horrendous and emotionally damaging experiences that could otherwise have been prevented.  Who’s my target?  Johnny Rockets.

I’m sure we all had the same impression of Johnny Rockets before we ate there for the first time.  “Oh, what a nice idea!  This is what appears to be an affordable 50s style chain restaurant with burgers and milkshakes.  This will be so fun!”

As a good American, you order the cheeseburger and a milkshake.  “Ahhh, a nice juicy burger with some fries and a milkshake will undoubtedly fill my belly.  What a time this will be!”

But after that, everything goes down hill.  The cheeseburger comes first.  It looks like it was taken from a spare parts bin at McDonalds.  What a disappointment!  Then you notice that the waitress forgot to deliver fries with your $7.00 burger.  Hey, maybe the accompanying french fries will compensate for the crappy burger, right?  So you say, ”oh excuse me Miss Waitress, but you must’ve forgotten the fries with my burger. May I have those along with my awful-looking $7.00 burger?”

“Well sir, fries are actually separate.  The burger doesn’t come with fries.”

You reply - “What?!  How can this be?  You just walked over to my table and placed an inferior burger in front of me with a straight face, and now you have the GALL to tell me that it doesn’t come with fries?!  Do you mean to tell me that you delivered to me an inferior burger at a price that could’ve yielded me a far superior burger, replete with value meal accoutrements such as fries and a tasty soda if I had gone to Wendy’s?”

She replies - “Yes, sir, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.  In fact, it’s our corporate policy to provide our customers with the worst food available at the highest prices, all under the guise of a family-friendly environment that will sucker your kids into spending your hard earned money on crappy food and barely passable customer service.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick up your watered-down and undersized chocolate milk shake.  That will also cost you more than the value meal you should’ve bought while you wasted your time here.”

Are you getting the picture?  I know we’re fighting wars overseas right now, but there’s a war that needs to be fought right on our very own shores - the war against Johnny Rockets.  I bet it’s owned my terrorists.