Just Blogs


For as long as I can remember, I have had the same recurring dream, though admittedly, it’s been closer to two years since I last had it. And since dreams don’t come with built-in movie titles and soundtracks, I’ve got to come up with those on my own. So let’s call the dream “The House Within the House.” Three to four times per year, my dreams took me to this house within a house, which […]

My Recurring, Imaginative Dream


By David Berry: Translating rap songs is going to be my side creative outlet while I work on my second book, which is in need of a new name. Until then, and to celebrate Kanye’s 40th birthday…enjoy. Ball so hard muh’fuckas wanna fine me (I flaunt my wealth so aggressively that those whom it displeases desire to garnish my wages) But first niggas gotta find me (However, in order to do so, they must locate me) What’s […]

I Translated “N***s in Paris” by Kanye West & Jay-Z ...


1
In 2005, I was a contestant in Xi Man, a sorority event which I would basically summarize as a ‘man pageant.’ Each guy needed a talent for the evening and, since I mainly attribute my actual ‘skills’ to writing, I decided to do what any good writer would do – translate a rap song into actual English. Well, it’s been 12 years and the hip hop game has changed. Not to fear. Google tells me […]

I Translated “Tunnel Vision” by Kodak Black into Slang-Free Prose



I am crossing the mid-point on my second book, tentatively titled ‘The 26 Year Old Virgin.’ Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 2 for your enjoyment. By David Berry: In 1995, if a group of five sixth grade boys were early to homeroom, you knew one of two things had happened: There was a test that morning or – as was more often the case – there was something semi-sexual to talk about as it related […]

Did You French Her?


By David Berry: Everyone’s pissed off. Trump isn’t gonna let the press secretary speak anymore – what a fool! Hillary came back and said it’s Comey’s fault she’s not president – I want to see those emails! Comey got fired and he was investigating Trump – impeach Trump! Did you see that local news story about the guy and the dog and the baby and the thing? I would never! Lock him up. That guy killed how […]

I’m Offended!


41
By David Berry: Ever had a bad day at work? A year ago, if you’d asked me how my day was going, I’d have told you “like shit.” And that was 20 minutes before I got fired. I had just run into the CEO of my ad agency after stepping out of the elevator. “Hey, good news!” I said, feigning joy. “We just nailed down the geotargeting parameters for the (insert client name) campaign and the […]

Fired to Fired Up: 1 Year in the Making



By David Berry: I fly somewhat often; let’s say twice a month on average. And even the minutiae of the experience – like why the hell a ‘tray’ is called a ‘tray table’ or why we can’t just call ‘the bulkhead’ a wall – sends me into twitching fits of rage. Even as I sit here to write this, from the peace and placidity of my living room (Maxwell is playing on my Amazon Echo), I am reaching […]

1,000+ Words of Airline Ranting


By David Berry: This is Simon Sinek. Simon used to work at ad agencies. He’s British. He wrote three books. Now he’s a corporate motivational speaker and consultant. In addition, Simon says (hehe) that Millennials “got into honors classes and got A’s just because parents complained” and “got participation medals — a reward for coming in last.” In fact, he said that and a lot more about Millennials in this video about six months ago.

A Middle Finger to Simon Sinek & Millennial-Bashers


By David Berry: Valentine’s Day is five days away. And like all good lovers, I too will be celebrating the day as the Romans did in the 3rd century A.D. – by executing two men named Valentine in the time-tested tradition of Emperor Claudius II. Wait, that’s not what this is all about? Bravo, Russell Stover, bravo. I had no clue. Jokes aside, we all know that Valentine’s Day isn’t for slaughtering people, but we know that it is a commercial […]

Can I Be Real About Valentine’s Day for a Minute?



1
By David Berry: Your Facebook ‘friends’ might have you convinced that they’ve fought tooth and nail over opposing political views and, as a result, lost friends during the presidential election. They’re full of shit. The average Facebook user has roughly 338 friends. But it seems that the people who feel they’ve lost Facebook friends  are confusing them with real friends. And let’s face it – at best, each of us is lucky to have 10 friends. […]

You Didn’t Lose Any Friends During the Election