Just Blogs


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By David Berry: Las Vegas doesn’t need your thoughts today. Las Vegas doesn’t need your prayers. And frankly, God himself is probably at his wit’s end with you dimwitted ass-hats who send prayers out of one side of your mouth, and then say that there’s nothing to be done about it out of the other. You want to know when thoughts and prayers were acceptable? When this bullshit, lone-wolf shooter’s mentality was a statistical anomaly; when the 1999 Columbine shootings […]

God Has Had It With Your Gun Prayers


I’m ditching an introduction today. If you’re offended by NFL players kneeling during the national anthem as an act of silent protest of police brutality against black people in the United States, then I can only assume: A) You’re a racist. This is the – surprisingly – only defensible argument. That you’re an unapologetic, call-it-like-I-see-it racist. Black people bother you, you think Lil Uzi Vert is a cultural abomination (actually, you wouldn’t be wrong on that one), […]

3 Dumbasses Who Are Offended by NFL Anthem Protests


By David Berry: I don’t remember exactly when, but in the late 90s I saw some of my first boxing matches. In an instant, my undying love for the sport was born. One of the first boxers I ever saw was Roy Jones Jr., who was and is the most impressive fighter I’ve ever seen – and yes, that includes Ali and Floyd Mayweather. He was the perfect combination of speed, power, bravado and tenacity. Unrivaled athleticism. He often […]

When You Suck at What You Love



My girlfriend and I recently moved in together. (And you, too, can get the girl of your dreams immediately upon releasing a dating book! How’s that for one of my life lessons?) As expected with a move of this magnitude, some things in my life have changed. My living room is newly redecorated and I miraculously have 14 throw pillows. I have a bar! And I also inherited a 12 pound shitzu named Chloe. Now, […]

3 Life Lessons from My Girlfriend’s 12-Pound Shitzu, Chloe


For as long as I can remember, I have had the same recurring dream, though admittedly, it’s been closer to two years since I last had it. And since dreams don’t come with built-in movie titles and soundtracks, I’ve got to come up with those on my own. So let’s call the dream “The House Within the House.” Three to four times per year, my dreams took me to this house within a house, which […]

My Recurring, Imaginative Dream


By David Berry: Translating rap songs is going to be my side creative outlet while I work on my second book, which is in need of a new name. Until then, and to celebrate Kanye’s 40th birthday…enjoy. Ball so hard muh’fuckas wanna fine me (I flaunt my wealth so aggressively that those whom it displeases desire to garnish my wages) But first niggas gotta find me (However, in order to do so, they must locate me) What’s […]

I Translated “N***s in Paris” by Kanye West & Jay-Z ...



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In 2005, I was a contestant in Xi Man, a sorority event which I would basically summarize as a ‘man pageant.’ Each guy needed a talent for the evening and, since I mainly attribute my actual ‘skills’ to writing, I decided to do what any good writer would do – translate a rap song into actual English. Well, it’s been 12 years and the hip hop game has changed. Not to fear. Google tells me […]

I Translated “Tunnel Vision” by Kodak Black into Slang-Free Prose


I am crossing the mid-point on my second book, tentatively titled ‘The 26 Year Old Virgin.’ Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 2 for your enjoyment. By David Berry: In 1995, if a group of five sixth grade boys were early to homeroom, you knew one of two things had happened: There was a test that morning or – as was more often the case – there was something semi-sexual to talk about as it related […]

Did You French Her?


By David Berry: Everyone’s pissed off. Trump isn’t gonna let the press secretary speak anymore – what a fool! Hillary came back and said it’s Comey’s fault she’s not president – I want to see those emails! Comey got fired and he was investigating Trump – impeach Trump! Did you see that local news story about the guy and the dog and the baby and the thing? I would never! Lock him up. That guy killed how […]

I’m Offended!



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By David Berry: Ever had a bad day at work? A year ago, if you’d asked me how my day was going, I’d have told you “like shit.” And that was 20 minutes before I got fired. I had just run into the CEO of my ad agency after stepping out of the elevator. “Hey, good news!” I said, feigning joy. “We just nailed down the geotargeting parameters for the (insert client name) campaign and the […]

Fired to Fired Up: 1 Year in the Making