Sex – Part 1 of ?

Sex – Part 1 of ?

A BUFFET OF SEXUAL STATISTICS: At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women will have the HPV infection at some point in their life. Between adults aged 20 to 59, women have had an average of 4 sex partners; men an average of 7. The average erect penis is 5 to 7 inches long; 4 to 6 inches in circumference. 66 percent of folks have had a ‘friend with benefits.’ 29 percent of women report orgasm during their typical sexual encounter. The average male loses his virginity just before his 17th birthday; the average female just after her 17th birthday.

Why share this information? Well, for starters, it’s compelling, honest information. More importantly, though, it’s your dose of ‘hey, I got something useful out of Berry’s blog today’ – should I fall flat on my face while discussing the topic at hand.


The topic, of course, is sex; not sex as in a ‘this goes here, that goes there’ type of discussion. No, a bit deeper than that (pun intended).

About sexuality as a whole. About what we use it for, what it’s intended for, and what it does to us – physically and emotionally. (What the hell did I just get myself into?)

I’ll start by addressing my male readers by asking each of you to imagine the privilege and joy you felt when experiencing breasts for the first time. Go ahead and revisit that moment – all of it. (Still there? Okay, snap out of it.)

A glorious occasion indeed, right? In that moment, there are a million-and-one physical and mental celebrations taking place; manifestations of the moment resulting in soak-drenched palms and a heart beating at a MACH1 speed level. Undoubtedly, that racing heart beat either meant unbridled joy or complete nervous-terror – but it was definitely one of them.

(Interestingly, women describe this experience with striking similarity to that of opening up a lacy gift box and finding a Louis Vuitton bag and a pair of Christian Louboutins inside of it. Mind blown? Now you know how it feels.)

*SIDE NOTE* I pray that your first experience was consensual, lest the idiots get a hold of your mind about what that means.

What I’m getting at is this – your first sexual experience, in most circumstances, is exciting, nerve-racking and extremely revealing. Yes, your clothes were off – or pushed to the side – so it was revealing in that sense. But more importantly, it’s one of the first moments in our lives that we retroactively identify as an experiential ‘loss of innocence.’ We’re coming face to face with the idea that we might be more ‘adult’ than ‘kid,’ or wondering what it is that defines the difference. Does it feel good? Sure it does. Kind of.

Your answer to that, of course, depends on your circumstances. The person you were with; the degree of real or perceived intimacy; your religious beliefs, etc. Or what came after. (Suffice it to say that if your first sexual experience was anywhere before or during your teens, it was doubtfully your last.)

What did you feel? Was it what you expected? Was it enjoyable? More importantly – now what?

As much as we believe that sex becomes ‘new’ each time we share it with a new person, we have to know that in many ways, it’s not. Don’t get me wrong – it can meaningful and it can be great; experience reveals that different people bring different qualities, sexually, and sometimes they’re great ones.

But then there’s another one. And another one. At some point, you can’t ignore that each successive encounter is a transaction with increasingly diminishing returns. Maybe not from the ego’s perspective, which celebrates each new conquest with an imagined champagne toast, but from the mind’s perspective. Somewhere along the way, we gave something away that we didn’t entirely get back.

To say otherwise, I believe, is a lie for the sake of self-preservation. But for who?

I start with this scenario – one with an admittedly darker viewpoint of the subject – because I believe this most accurately describes the reality faced by many singles. At least, that’s my hypothesis. In fact, this is where I’m welcome to admit, as I did in the beginning, that I might be way off base. I think ‘sex’ is as obvious a topic as any that I could discuss, given my interest in talking about dating, relationships, and so on.

So please leave your comments, thoughts and suggestions. Really. I’d love to hear them.


David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs. From books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between, he’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs.

Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.

Get in touch with him on Facebook and Twitter, or email him at

3 thoughts on “Sex – Part 1 of ?

  1. Great article Dave. Here is my piece of mind. I think sex is both glorified and condemned by society a driven by deep cultural/religious roots. Many double standards are created by such phenomenon, which in turn, frustrate freedom of sexual experimentation. This results in boring sex, fake orgasms, an very disatisfied individuals . Sex does not have to become a “transaction with diminishing returns”, the act itself is only 10% of the whole equation. Sex is 90% mental. I know people who can lay under a tree in the middle of the day and have an orgasm without any physical stimulation what so ever. Sex can only get better the more we experience it because to most, it is a learning process, but mostly learning about ourselves. It is my opinion that people are limited by unrealistic expectations and mis-information. Their bodies want to do one thing, but their minds are bringing nature to a hault. What am I saying here? Most people have desires, fantacies, fetishes, etc. that they have not yet discovered, and if they would, they’d probably feel ashamed and freakish. They would never act out their fantacies and forget sharing them with someone they know. As a woman, I have learned that I have to know my body if I want to please and be pleased sexually. Self discovery is not something we speak of freely without some stigman attached to it. I’ve learned to say “if that pleases you” and “this is how I like it”. Word of advise to anyone who reads this, don’t fake the experience, you’re selling yourself short. If what your partner is doing doesn’t make the cut, teach them how you’d like it done. Oh and boys, if a woman takes the initiative, this doesn’t make her a slut or bad news. Most men want a woman who knows what she wants, but when she comes knocking at their door, men can be quick to judge. This makes women hold back from being the sexual creatures we are capable of being, for fear of being judged. Perfect example of a double standard. In the end, pleasure is pleasure, and if “this is how you like it”, find someone who will always say “if it pleases you”.

  2. “Diminishing Returns”- I’m of the thought that with more practice comes more knowledge of yourself and open mind to new things… Diminishing returns I think is more a product of “comfortable” relationships

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