I had an awesome chat today with a San Francisco dating coach, and close friend, Sarena Bahad, and she presented me with perhaps the most retro-progressive (a new term that I just created) idea for dating that I’ve heard in a long time.
She and I remain in agreement that there are 10 phases of dating (phew, the book is still alive), but the idea she presented me with would essentially eliminate six of them; pretty much everything between ‘Single (Phase 1)’ and ‘Relationship (Phase 8).’
How? It’s called ‘Lean Dating,’ and the thought behind it is this: Why are people wasting time with talking, dating, stalking, limbo, etc. when they could just skip over all of it and get right into the relationship?
No more – ‘hey, this is Joe, he’s my…phase 4 friend?’ Instead, you go on a date, agree (honestly) to a mutual attraction and just start a relationship. By doing so, you eliminate all of the posturing and pretending that comes with almost every phase that typically leads up to a relationship and just dive in head first.
Before you label it as risky, consider this. By doing this, you’ve eliminated any questions about talking, scheming and ‘are we exclusive?’ by immediately clarifying that you’re in a relationship. As a result, that ever-elusive trust factor is a moot point, at least in terms of uncovering their true intentions. They’re already your girlfriend/boyfriend. As a result, you’ll either get on the fast track to a successful relationship much more quickly, or you’ll fail a lot more quickly.
Either way, you won’t be stuck in six phases of ‘uhh, hmmm, what, uhhh, what?’ If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Chances are you’ll figure that out quickly and still be in a position to end things on amicable terms, instead of dragging it out for four to six weeks and having that awkward run-in weeks later after you stopped returning her calls.
If it does work? Well, you’re already in a relationship. And wasn’t that the point?
I’ll remind you that I’m disclosing this as a theory, as presented to me by a friend. Nevertheless, we’re both curious to hear your thoughts. Leave them here!
David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs. From books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between, he’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs.
Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.