For anyone who’s heart rate jumped upon seeing the title of this blog (ahem, Marissa), I’m remiss to inform you that this is not Part 3 of my short story. Not to worry, though; there will be a Part 3. For now, this is the blog post that I intended to write when I first brought up the subject of ‘sex on the first date.’
I had a candid conversation about this very subject matter on the podcast I do with my friends Kevin Greene and Tom Ricci. You can listen to it here. In fact, you should. It’s awesome. Honest, funny and insightful, too. Did I mention it was awesome? Please, for the sake of my ever-fragile ego, just listen to it.
But I digress. On that podcast, I took the same stance that I will take here on this blog – it (sex on the first date) is a bad idea. And I say that based on all scenarios – yes, even the ‘sexy story’ scenario that I wrote about earlier. And yes, it’s even a bad idea when a good romp in the rice is all you’re looking for anyway.
Why? Let’s consider the scenarios:
It’s an Awesome Date. Conversation is popping. She’s hot. You’re not feeling gassy. This is a one-way train to naked station, right? Not so fast. Chemistry and easy-chatter provide a damn-good feeling on any first date, but they’re not to be overstated. If you truly want to keep things moving forward, then don’t let yourselves get to the point of slow grinding in the buff (lots of picture-painting through words today).
There are a lot of things that feel natural – fulfilling your sexual desires, sleeping all day on your couch or punching a pedestrian for walking out in front of your car – but logic tells us you’re better off not doing those things. Get in her head before you get in her bed. Why? Because the second you have sex with someone you actually kind of like, you’re applying a lot of pressure to both of you – and with little history to go on, it might be enough to kill your momentum altogether.
You Want to Get Back at Someone Else. Awful. Just awful.
You’re Just Out for Sex. Cool. But maybe she’s not. Or maybe she is, but she’s not 100 percent sure if that’s the only thing she wants. Fact of the matter is, on a first date, neither of you are capable of being completely truthful about what you’re feeling. Why? Oh, because it’s the first time you’ve ever hung out with this person. Either way, don’t assume that because you’re cool with it and she says she’s cool with it that either of you should actually be cool with it. It almost never works out.
Now don’t get me wrong; if you’re feeling all fired up from the energy of the night, go ahead and kiss her. Make it an awesome kiss, too. Make sure she knows how good it could be, but have enough brains to hold back on it. Rarely will you hear someone who says ‘we waited too long.’ You can’t? You can. Get hold of yourself.
Plus, when you remove sex from the equation, you’re more likely to be truthful about what it is you’re chasing in the first place.
David Berry is a Miami-based copywriter who has delivered writing solutions for a wide set of clients with a diverse range of needs. From books (fiction and non-fiction) to blogs, feature stories and everything else in between, he’s written for restaurants and retail clients, hotel chains, cosmetics companies, universities and more, as well as magazines, Fortune 500 companies and numerous entrepreneurs.
Berry has an MBA from Florida International University and draws passion for his craft from a wide base of interests, as he’s also a NASM certified personal trainer, former stand-up comedian, and volunteer, having won Miami Children’s Hospital’s 2011 Volunteer of the Year award while raising more than $100,000 for the hospital’s Radio Lollipop program.