In this blog, it’s easy for me to come across as a stinging, straight-talking dating opinionaire (a word I just made up), but that’s because I spend most of my time telling you what not to do. It gets harder to be candid – and convincing – when I try to speak convincingly about things you should do.
Why? Because I’m kind of bad at dating.
Here are four reasons why:
I Text Instead of Call. And I text too much, too. Go figure. In this very blog, I give guys crap for not picking up the phone and calling a girl, yet all of my friends know that I’m a texting addict. I’d love to lie and tell you it’s not true, but you probably already know it is. When I’m pursuing a girl, or even if I’m not, this is a crutch that I’d love to do without. But do note – if I am calling you, that means something.
Being Good at Conversation Doesn’t Make You a Good Listener. It may mean you’re charming, witty or whatever other adjective that would be deemed as favorable, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. And it probably doesn’t make you a good date, either. I’m guilty of this one, too. Call it nerves, or call it selfishness. When I’m in a nerve-racking situation – a first date, for example – I tend to gravitate toward the subjects I know best, namely myself and my interests. Am I disinterested in hearing what you have to say? Hardly. I’m just afraid of seeming too eager, or of asking the wrong question.
I Suck at ‘Just Enjoying the Moment.’ If I’m out with a girl and it becomes clear that I likely won’t pursue things further, I’m the coolest, most easy-going guy around. And women love that, which is why more times than not, I do a better job of attracting the ones I don’t want than the ones I do. So why do I suck at just enjoying the moment when I do like a girl? My friends used to mock me for this as far back as high school, but I have “can I marry you?” syndrome. I meet a girl and, if I like her, I immediately start wondering if we’ll end up together. Not in the “does she have good qualities” kind of way, but in the “what if I mess this up or if she isn’t the one” kind of way. On the first date! Who does that?! Me. Ugh.
I Say Too Much. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always valued honesty more than almost any other human quality. And because of it, I’ll find myself oversharing sometimes in an effort to prove how truthful I can be. Like going on a first date and telling the girl that, from the get go, I don’t expect things to work out because the odds simply don’t favor it. Who does that?! Me. Again – ugh.
Thankfully, I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this stuff. There’s a club filled with others just like me, in fact – we’re called “single people.” What are your dating flaws? How do you screw it up and wish you didn’t? I’d love to hear your answers.