I’m Bad at Dating

I’m Bad at Dating

In this blog, it’s easy for me to come across as a stinging, straight-talking dating opinionaire (a word I just made up), but that’s because I spend most of my time telling you what not to do. It gets harder to be candid – and convincing – when I try to speak convincingly about things you should do.

Why? Because I’m kind of bad at dating.

Here are four reasons why:

I Text Instead of Call. And I text too much, too. Go figure. In this very blog, I give guys crap for not picking up the phone and calling a girl, yet all of my friends know that I’m a texting addict. I’d love to lie and tell you it’s not true, but you probably already know it is. When I’m pursuing a girl, or even if I’m not, this is a crutch that I’d love to do without. But do note – if I am calling you, that means something.

Being Good at Conversation Doesn’t Make You a Good Listener. It may mean you’re charming, witty or whatever other adjective that would be deemed as favorable, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. And it probably doesn’t make you a good date, either. I’m guilty of this one, too. Call it nerves, or call it selfishness. When I’m in a nerve-racking situation – a first date, for example – I tend to gravitate toward the subjects I know best, namely myself and my interests. Am I disinterested in hearing what you have to say? Hardly. I’m just afraid of seeming too eager, or of asking the wrong question.

I Suck at ‘Just Enjoying the Moment.’ If I’m out with a girl and it becomes clear that I likely won’t pursue things further, I’m the coolest, most easy-going guy around. And women love that, which is why more times than not, I do a better job of attracting the ones I don’t want than the ones I do. So why do I suck at just enjoying the moment when I do like a girl? My friends used to mock me for this as far back as high school, but I have “can I marry you?” syndrome. I meet a girl and, if I like her, I immediately start wondering if we’ll end up together. Not in the “does she have good qualities” kind of way, but in the “what if I mess this up or if she isn’t the one” kind of way. On the first date! Who does that?! Me. Ugh.

I Say Too Much. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always valued honesty more than almost any other human quality. And because of it, I’ll find myself oversharing sometimes in an effort to prove how truthful I can be. Like going on a first date and telling the girl that, from the get go, I don’t expect things to work out because the odds simply don’t favor it. Who does that?! Me. Again – ugh.

Thankfully, I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this stuff. There’s a club filled with others just like me, in fact – we’re called “single people.” What are your dating flaws? How do you screw it up and wish you didn’t? I’d love to hear your answers.

3 thoughts on “I’m Bad at Dating

  1. I’m currently in a relationship, but I would have I say my flaw has always been that I’m too available. Also, it’s so important to just live in the moment. Easier said than done like most things are, but I feel the older we get the more focused we are on if this person is “the one” because we have some deadline or something (maybe that’s a girl thing) 😉

  2. I was raised to think it was inappropriate to look at a woman as an object. So, I have never developed the most essential non-verbal method of showing interest: checking a girl out. Instead, I look at them in the eyes the entire time. As a result, most women (even the ones I do end up dating) tell me that they never got the “I’m interested” vibe from me, because they never caught me looking at their boobs, or checking out their butt. And trust me… women might SAY they want a guy that isn’t oogling every woman that walks by, but that is BS. There is a certain minimum amount of chauvinism required to make a woman feel like she’s beautiful, and that’s something I always struggle with.

  3. I’m too nice! I attract men I don’t mean to because they confuse my being nice as a sign of my interest towards them. On the other hand, the men I am interested in take advantage.

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