Dating a Mom

Dating a Mom

As recently as three or so years ago, the notion that I could date a mom still had an American Pie mental image attached to it. The assumption being, of course, that getting with a mom meant getting with a friend’s mom, which was more of a novelty than an actual option. (You’re safe, guys.)

That is, until MILFs became part of a new demographic – late 20s, early 30s divorcees with a kid or three in tote and a genuine interest in dating someone her age. You know, like me.

A little over a year ago, during the five months I lived back in New York, a girl from my circle of friends told me she had a girl she’d wanted me to meet. And she’d be ‘perfect’ for me, this friend said. Great family, great sense of humor, very attractive, etc.

Then, this friend told me that the girl had a three-year-old son.

‘No thanks,’ I replied.

From there, I was criticized for being closed minded. She said there’s a good chance that at my age (feels like an old thing to say even as I type it) that a girl – okay, a woman – that I’m interested in might already be a mother. And that I’d just have to deal with it and stop limiting myself.

Well, to hell with that. I have a hard time feeding and walking my dog. Inheriting a girlfriend and a child is not what I’m after.

But with that said, not everyone is as closed minded and incapable as I am. A friend of mine, who normally thinks just like I do, recently fell hard for a girl with three kids.

If you ask most guys, they probably wouldn’t choose a woman with kids – although that could change as they get older – but in my friend’s case, his heart wouldn’t let him steer clear of this particular girl. Despite his best efforts to get in his own way, he’s coming to grips with the fact that this is the girl he wants.

And he battled with it. Still does. And hell – if they actually get a relationship off the ground, he’ll probably always battle with it.

What’s my point? The fact of the matter is that in each passing year, the sheer volume of baggage that we’re likely to encounter when dating is only going to grow. And when it comes to a woman with kids, her ‘baggage’ (sorry, kids) is as obvious as can be. She has living, breathing, pooping proof of it.

So not only are our options dwindling – I’ve seen about five new engagements on Facebook this week – but the options that are available may not be the cookie cutter ideals we had in mind when we were younger.

Are we prepared to deal with that? Like, really prepared to deal with that?

I’m not. Are you?

2 thoughts on “Dating a Mom

  1. I’m 27 and still a virgin. All my family and friends ask me what the hell am I waiting for or that I’m too religious, closed-minded, picky etc. I actually feel so relieved to hear a guy think the same. I’m not religious in any shape or form. The truth is I’ve never been in love and when I have sex I want to be in love is that too much to ask? I’ve met a couple of guys that have kids and I know they are not with the women but it’s always been a turn off for me. I feel like there will always be drama and awkward moments. I always felt like I was a bitch but the moment a guy tells me he has kids I immediately loose interest.

    I’m realistic, i know chances of me staying with the same person for the rest of my life in this day and age are slim to none. But crap I want to be able to say yeah i loved my first even though it didn’t work out I truly loved him.

  2. I agree with you…I say this and I’m actually dating a man with 2 kids but to be honest with you I’d never ever do it again. Since I was a little girl my dream was to get married and to have kids and to have kids with the man I married. I never invisoned previous kids being part of my life or my ideal. I will proudly use birth control until I am married and ready to have kids with the man I marry….I wish everyone else would get on the same page and start using birth control as well until they are married and sure they would like to have a child with that partner…as I say all this my birth control will probably end up failing and I’ll end up knocked up with no husband….but I maintain this is still how I feel…I don’t want to have kids until I am married and I prefer that the person I marry doesn’t have any children until we get married as well…and it seems like way too much to ask.

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