No, You Won’t Find Someone When ‘You’re Not Looking’

No, You Won’t Find Someone When ‘You’re Not Looking’

By David Berry: It seems the only way to get widespread interaction with my blog these days is to take aim at cliches and mock them, then break them down. But the truth is, I do believe that the “you’ll find someone when you’re not looking” cliche is trash worth breaking down.

For starters, let’s explore why someone would use this phrase in the first place (don’t worry, I’ll do the exploring for you). In nearly every case, it comes down to one person trying to console another person. Oh, Jenny stopped answering your calls? And this is the third girl in a row to do this to you? Look, man, you’ll find someone when you’re not looking.

No one swipes right on you on Tinder or Bumble? Can’t get a phone date with the guy from J-Swipe? Stop trying so hard. You can’t force these things! You’ll find someone when you’re not looking.

And so on.

Now, let’s switch gears for a second. Let’s assume you’re a smart person. (And as the ruler of this blog, that’s an assumption I’m comfortable making). You work hard. Maybe you went to college and got a bachelor’s degree. Studied for a certification to enhance your career growth prospects. And look at you, putting in 50-60 hours per week, trying all hard so you can get a promotion and a raise. David is proud of you.

Those are all smart things to do if you want to get ahead in life, right? Again, I’ve assumed you’re a smart person, so I imagine your response is something to the effect of “well, yeah. Duh.”

Okay good. As a person with a brain, you’ve been able to do two things. One. Identify an important goal for yourself and Two. Realize that there’s a degree of effort and commitment necessary to achieve that goal.


Let’s hit the rewind button. You just graduated high school. You’re a fairly smart guy, and you have ambitions of one day being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Grand ambitions, indeed.

So to get there, you decide to spend the next 15 years of your life in your living room playing video games. Because those CEO jobs just find you when you’re not looking for them, amiright?!

“Oh, David, you’re so crass. This is different.”

No, it’s not. Why, because it offends your conscience of having grown up thinking you’d be the co-star of a 90 minute romcom where these things just happen? This ain’t ‘You’ve Got Mail!” and you’re not Meg Ryan.

Dating is hard. Some people find love by chance, sure. But if you want someone worth having, if you want to know for sure that you’ve done your homework and found a great catch, then wow, you might have to go on a few dates and put in some effort.

Some of you will find that person sooner. That’s awesome. Some of you won’t. There’s nothing wrong with that. But for the love of Pete, it has truly never been easier to meet people. Sure, you’ll go through a lot of dipshits on dating apps, but at least you’re trying, wading through the cesspool to find someone. Yeah, you’re gonna get rejected a few times. You’re gonna go on a date and land on your ass.

But hey, you wanted to be a Fortune 500 CEO. Get to work.

If not, at least name your cat after me.



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